Help Protect Wills and Kate
Well-wishers flocking to the Royal wedding are told by police that they can help guard William and Kate from terrorists, anarchists and crazed stalkers.
The Daily Express
Dear Deputy Assistant Commissioner,
Thank you very much for offering me the position of Unpaid Human Shield with the Royalty Protection branch (SO14), as advertised in the Daily Express. I have seriously considered this challenging opportunity to spy on suspected subversives and to risk injury or death in the unlikely event of actually encountering a real terrorist, anarchist, or crazed stalker.
Although it has been a very difficult decision, I have concluded that in order for me to care less, you would have to remove the word "care" from the dictionary, so I will therefore have to decline your kind offer.
I do appreciate the courtesy you have extended to me and my fellow subjects by making this generous offer, and I wish you well in your endeavours.