Fun with water cannon

So the ambitious Mayor of London has made a small ritual sacrifice of public money to the Tories' great and powerful goddess, Laura Norder. This sacrifice, in the form of enough wonga to buy three second-hand water cannon, is presumably intended to address three Serious Issues.

• First, to appease wrathful deity herself, whose displeasure has manifested itself in the late rebellion of the very guardians of Laura Norder against her own priesthood. 
• Second, to appease the Tory faithful, who yearn for the smack of firm government and the sight of malcontents and dissidents being hosed off the streets, like scum being power-washed off a well-tended patio.
• Third, to set a trap for an ambitious Home Secretary, who must either put up with his premature splash of public cash, or risk looking like some soft apostate, lacking the flinty firmness required of a true high priestess of Laura Norder.

But water cannon aren't just for the serious business of statecraft. They can be fun, too! At times of special celebration the water cannon salute is now an actual thing.* Summer's here, so let's all party! Break out the sunblock, the ice cream and the Wasserwerfer 9000!

But always remember to stay safe when you're having fun, kids. A water canon salute might sound like a great idea, but if you don't take care, it can all end in tears.


*Although this may be a misnomer - I suspect that the 'water cannon' referred to here are the frivolous sort, used for trivial tasks like saving people from dying in blazing aircraft, rather than the useful ones needed for the serious business of shutting protesters up.

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Update

Somebody seems to have noticed that the overgrown toddler who goes by the name of Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, (AKA Baron Bomburst from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang), already has all the toys any child could ever need, so why can't the rest of us have a water cannon to play with, too? If you want to join in the fun, then why not share some of your pocket money with The People’s Water Cannon project?