Seasonal annoyances

I've been away from the PC for a few days. Explosive sneezes, violent shivering, hacking coughs, deathly pallor? This isn't just a winter cold, this is M & S Christmas Man 'Flu. With modest heroism, I soldiered on through the valley of the shadow of A Slightly Runny Nose and dragged myself in to work, probably infecting others in the process but, hey, it's good to share, especially at Christmas. Anyway, I'm better now, so that's one seasonal annoyance probably finished with.

Unfortunately, I can't get rid of another one quite so easily - a musical plague of irritating Christmas pop lyrics. The lyrics of the average Christmas hit are like the average Christmas cracker joke. Just as people don't seem to mind cracker jokes being rubbish, the most trite, saccharine words get a similar amnesty, just because it's Christmas and get rolled out again year after year, instead of sinking into well-deserved obscurity. I try not to listen, but sometimes I can't help hearing stuff like this from Paul Mccartney's Yule-tastic eulogy to Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time:

The Choir Of Children Sing Their Song

They Practiced All Year Long

Ding Dong, Ding Dong

Ding Dong, Ding Dong

Ding Dong, Ding Dong

Passing swiftly over the ding dong-ing, apparently these children have been practicing all year long. All year? I find it hard to believe that any child, however devoted to choral music, the baby Jesus or unwrapping a new Nintendo Wii on Christmas Morning, really practices carol singing for twelve months of the year. Do you really expect me to think the little blighters were perfecting their rendition of "Hark The Herald Angels" in April? I think not. But it rhymes and everybody's drunk at Christmas, so they probably won't notice.

When not subjected to Xmas pop in public places, I'll be limiting my Christmas music experience to carols (proper traditional ones, not the happy clappy modern rubbish) and the only Christmas Hit that I've ever enjoyed without reservation, Fairytale of New York by the Pogues, featuring the late Kirsty MacColl. When the song first came out, some of the lyrics were thought too fruity by the BBC, who played "an edited version because some members of the audience might find it offensive." Well I'm offended by all that ding dong-ing and year-long carol practice. I'm just off to write an outraged letter to the beeb...